You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
