don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
