Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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