You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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