Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
