Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
