two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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