Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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