just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
