Yo dont text me then not text me
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
