i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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