So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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