highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
