He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
