I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
