Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Im part way to drunk.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
