he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
