; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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