What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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