I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
