My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
