dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
