So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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