just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
