I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
