tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
