I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
