Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
