Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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