We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
