Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
