when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have aggressive nipples.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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