i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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