Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
