I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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