dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
