i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She's the barista slut.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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