i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
the raccoons are back...
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