there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
