I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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