he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
