hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
