If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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