hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
