remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
