Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
