and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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