I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
