hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
420 ftw
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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