Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
