Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
