Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
