I'm jealous of your bromance
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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