hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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